Don’t look now, but things aren’t real swell in American sports. More like red, white and boo.
We used to dominate. But what once was Mike Tyson and Lance Armstrong and Pete Sampras and Mike Modano has slowly deteriorated into first place being hogged by a bunch of foreigners named Andy Ruiz Jr. and Geraint Thomas and Novak Djokovic and Nikita Kucherov.
Not long ago we set our watches by the championship appearances of LeBron James and Serena Williams, but the basketball icon missed this year’s playoffs and the tennis queen hasn’t won a major since January 2017.
The NBA’s best player (Giannis Antetokounmpo) is Greek and its new champion (Raptors) resides in Canada. We lost the Ryder Cup. The Davis Cup. We won’t win the Tour de France. We’ve only won one World Baseball Classic. We never sniff advancing in the men’s World Cup. We’re not even a lock any longer to win sailing’s America’s Cup.
Of course, all is not lost. We still have the best player in football (Patrick Mahomes), one of the best in baseball (Mike Trout) and in hoops a rising star right here in Dallas named Luka Doncic. From Slovenia. Oops.
The U.S. women’s World Cup team should lift our spirits in Sunday’s championship match. The Rangers have home-grown talents Joey Gallo and Hunter Pence in next week’s All-Star Game. We pretty much own golf’s rankings with seven of the top 10 players, led by Brooks Koepka, Dustin Johnson and the resurrection of Tiger Woods.
And if all else fails, we can boast 11 of the last 12 July 4th Hot Dog Eating championships, thanks to Joey Chestnut.
We may have to squint a little harder these days to see it, but there are still countless reasons to be proud of American sports. On this – our country’s 243rd birthday – I urge you to spend part of your Fourth of July, between the burgers and bikinis, admiring and appreciating each unique candle on this 243-candle homemade cake.
Here’s hoping it reminds you how friggin’ fortunate we are to have a variety of sports, and the freedom to choose which ones we love and loathe.
Happy Birthday, America’s sports! Celebrate with fireworks, and by feeling better about your games, your country and, yes, even yourself.
As usual, add to the list if you want. Or just pick and choose. Whatever.
It is, after all, a free country.
243. Brett Hull’s “no goal” goal in the wee early morning hours in Buffalo.
242. Aaron Hernandez, Josh Brent, Tim Donaghy, Lance Armstrong, Terdema Ussery and Robert Kraft, each held accountable.
241. Cris Collinsworth’s insight and Tony Romo’s intuition.
240. Dak Prescott, indestructible.
239. Dirk Nowitzki (I know, I know. But he feels like one of us, yes?)
238. Joey Gallo’s exit velocity.
237. Johnny Football, fleeting as it was.
236. Wiffle Ball in the back yard.
235. Labor peace.
234. Kawhi Leonard’s humility.
233. The Colonial in Fort Worth, same as it ever was.
232. Cowboys’ Super Bowl expectations. Every single year.
231. Tiger Woods at The Masters. Again. With feeling.
230. Ron Washington’s relentless optimism.
229. High school football championship week at AT&T Stadium.
228. Klay Thompson’s quick release and Stephen Curry’s unfathomable range.
227. Jordan Spieth’s future and Ezekiel Elliott’s present, assuming he doesn’t get suspended every other season.
226. The star on the helmet.
225. Yankees pinstripes.
224. The 18th at Pebble Beach.
223. Dollar Dog Night at Globe Life Park, may it soon rest in peace.
222. Cotton Bowl, still immune to corporate namesakes after all these years.
221. “Hail Mary” and Touchdown Jesus.
220. The Ice Bowl, the Rose Bowl and the Beer ’n Bowl.
219. Jason Witten, back for more.
218. Cameron Crazies and Reunion Rowdies
217. Stockton to Malone.
216. Rick Carlisle’s set pieces.
215. Serena and Venus Williams.
214. Boston’s Green Monster and Augusta’s green jacket.
213. The 12th Man.
212. Brian’s Song.
211. Spurrier’s visor.
210. “H-O-R-S-E,” “Hot Box” and “Tackle the Man with the Football.”
209. Happy Valley and March Madness.
208. Vince Young in, around and through USC’s defense.
207. The 7th-inning stretch and “Down the stretch they come!”
206. Army-Navy.
205. The Southwest Conference.
204. Caddyshack.
203. “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
202. Odor’s fist and Nolan’s headlock.
201. Vince Lombardi.
200. Don King, Gene Keady and Slick Watts.
199. Kobe in the clutch and Junior on the gas.
198. The Manning Family.
197. The Three J’s, The Four Horsemen and The Fab Five.
196. “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”
195. Hawg hats, Fort Worth Cats and Minnesota Fats.
194. Mark Holtz’ “Hello, Win Column!” Yes, still.
193. A two-putt birdie.
192. Wide Right and Student Body Left.
191. Josh Hamilton’s power electrifying Yankee Stadium.
190. The smell of fresh-cut grass on Opening Day.
189. Busch Stadium, World Series Game 6.
188. Amon Carter Stadium, bigger and better than ever.
187. Pizza delivered exactly five minutes before kickoff.
186. The hole in the roof so God can watch his favorite team.
185. “The Immaculate Reception.”
184. Jinxing a no-hitter.
183. Jimmy Connors at Flushing Meadows. At night.
182. Alligator arms, swim moves and The Shark. Kenny Gant, not Greg Norman.
181. Tom Dempsey’s long kick with a short foot.
180. The Silver Boot, the Iron Skillet and plain ol’ braggin’ rights.
179. Underdogs.
178. Hansen, Hitzges and Galloway.
177. Fans who refuse to do “The Wave.”
176. Hat tricks via bicycle kicks.
175. Jerry Jones, warts and all.
174. NFL Films.
173. Bo Jackson.
172. Bobby Knight’s sweaters. And trifecta bettors.
171. Sean Lee’s tenacity, transferred to Leighton Vander Esch.
170. Flo-Jo and Little Mo.
169. Red Zone Channel.
168. Two points, three-peats and four-baggers through the five hole.
167. Robert Hughes.
166. Slap Shot.
165. Troy Aikman, Daryl Johnston and Michael Irvin on the other side of the camera.
164. John Wooden’s program and Red Auerbach’s cigar.
163. Booing Roger Goodell. Admiring Adam Silver.
162. Taking your glove to the game.
161. Tatu. And tattoos.
160. “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!”
159. Amen corner. And Death Valley.
158. Nike vs. Reebok vs. Adidas vs. Under Armor.
157. No. 16 over No. 1.
156. “Boomer Sooner”, “Rocky Top” and “wake up the echoes.”
155. Kindred spirits who also hate Joe Buck.
154. Phil Jackson’s Triangle and Dean Smith’s four corners.
153. Breathe Rights, eye black, mouthpieces and ear holes.
152. The Great One and The Greatest.
151. Instant replay.
150. Monday Night Football’s original theme music.
149. “Havlicek stole the ball!”
148. A-Roid.
147. The Ring of Honor.
146. Between the hedges.
145. Shutting up Spike Lee.
144. The Von Erichs at the old Sportatorium.
143. The chills + a hangover + the day off = the Cotton Bowl.
142. Two minutes for roughing.
141. Rick Reilly.
140. The Cubs’ “Friendly Confines” vs. the Raiders’ “Black Hole.”
139. The Zamboni.
138. Yankees-Red Sox, Duke-North Carolina and Michigan-Ohio State.
137. ”He could … go … all .. the … way … !!!”
136. Joe Pa, circa 2010.
135. Tailgating, tickets or not.
134. Heisman hype.
133. A blue parking pass.
132. Eyeballs vs. analytics.
131. Jay-Z, sports agent.
130. Tim Duncan’s bank shot.
129. Rick Barry’s underhand free throw.
128. Goal-line stands and the Stanford band.
127. “Can I have your autograph?”
126. Tom Brady in the pocket and Patrick Mahomes out of it.
125. DeMarcus around the edge, both Ware and Lawrence.
124. Brad Sham, Eric Nadel and Chuck Cooperstein. Yes, we are blessed.
123. Lambeau Field, January.
122. Sports talk radio.
121. Then: Defense wins championships; Now: First one to 50 wins.
120. “Steeeerriiiike Three!,” “Let’s play two!” and “We’re No. 1!”
119. Roger Staubach down 13 with 2:19 remaining.
118. Dropping the gloves. And catching big air.
117. Kareem’s “Sky Hook” and Donald Curry’s right hook.
116. “Coooold beeeeeer!!”
115. Robert Horry, Adam Vinatieri and Mariano Rivera, when it really matters.
114. Bobblehead night.
113. The fair pole.
112. Anyone who beats Nick Saban.
111. Doomsday Defense.
110. Your baseball cap in the dishwasher; shoestring around your glove.
109. Office pools.
108. “Pistol Pete”, Sampras and/or Maravich.
107. Day games.
106. “The Catch.”
105. Jason Garrett’s pursuit of the process.
104. “Hey, ump, you’re missing a great game!”
103. North Dallas Forty.
102. Soccer moms.
101. Michael Johnson’s golden shoes.
100. Bevo.
99. Shirts and skins.
98. “The Iceman.”
97. 17-0 in ’72.
96. Winners and losers. Not participation plaques.
95. Yellow cards, yellow flags and the yellow first-down line.
94. Gary Patterson hitchin’ up his britches.
93. 56-game hitting streak.
92. “Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk!”
91. Mulligans.
90. “You Cannot Be Serious!” and “Practice? We talkin’ ’bout practice?!”
89. J.J. Watt, American hero.
88. Skip Bayless, muted.
87. The two-minute warning.
86. Emmitt Smith out the other end of the pile.
85. The Laker Girls and the Cowboys Cheerleaders.
84. Ryder Cup vs. Davis Cup vs. Stanley Cup.
83. “GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!”
82. Seeing your breath on a small-town Friday night in December, population
314.
81. Floyd “Money” Mayweather.
80. Hunter Pence and the power of peculiarity.
79. “Phi Slamma Jamma.”
78. 6-4-3.
77. Nebraska’s I-back.
76. Montana to Rice.
75. GEICO commercials.
74. “You are looking live … !”
73. Joe Torre’s stare, Steve Nash’s hair and the Golden Bear.
72. “Sweetness.”
71. Phyllis George and Erin Andrews.
70. “And one!”
69. Bull Durham.
68. “Pig-soooooiiiieee!”
67. Charlie Hustle. And Uncle Charlie.
66. The Aggie War Hymn vs. Texas Fight.
65. Cold dreary Sunday. Warm comfy couch. Big screen TV.
64. “The Big Red Machine.”
63. Christian Laettner’s turnaround.
62. Elvis and Beltre, clowning over a popup.
61. Zion Williamson’s hops and Michael Phelps’ wings.
60. “The Curse of the Bambino.”
59. The Swamp, The Pit and The Big House.
58. Cal Ripken Jr. and Dale Earnhardt Sr.
57. Evel Knievel.
56. Wilt’s 100 points vs. Russell’s 11 rings.
55. The Big Unit. And Lil’ Penny.
54. Eight seconds. And Title IX.
53. Sudden death.
52. Churchill Downs, first Saturday in May.
51. Madison Square Garden.
50. Mixed doubles, stand-up doubles and triple-doubles.
49. $1 billion stadiums. $12-an-hour chain gangs.
48. Up-and-down from the beach.
47. Bear Bryant.
46. Mississippi State’s cowbells, Atlanta’s Tomahawk Chop.
and Pittsburgh’s Terrible Towels.
45. Rocky, Rudy and Prefontaine.
44. “Larry Legend.”
43. Byron Nelson’s legacy, on and off the course.
42. Jackie Robinson. Duh.
41. Dr. J.
40. Mark Cuban’s passion. And wallet.
39. Michael Jordan.
38. Strike zone, matchup zone and zone blitz.
37. Don Nelson, because he imported our favorite German.
36. Wrigley’s ivy.
35. “Showtime.”
34. Sha-sheff-ski, spelled K-r-z-y-z-e-w-s-k-i.
33. The Babes. Ruth and Didrikson Zaharias. Sorry, Laufenberg.
32. U.S. soccer, women’s version.
31. 73*.
30. The Fat Lady. And the skinny post.
29. Do It For Durrett.
28. Kyle Field.
27. Celtics banners.
26. Nolan Ryan.
25. Nacho cheese on your chin. A smile on your lips.
24. Fresh batteries in the remote control.
23. Charles Barkley.
22. Keith Jackson’s “Whoa, Nellie!” and Dick Enberg’s “Oh, my!”
21. The 7-10 split.
20. Crazy Ray, Zonk and inflatable Mavs Man.
19. Neftali Feliz striking out A-Rod looking. Hello, World Series!
18. LeBron James, indeed “The Chosen One.”
17. ESPN Sportscenter.
16. Phil Mickelson’s disposition.
15. Magic.
14. The checkered flag.
13. Pat Summerall, Chick Hearn and Vin Scully.
12. The bell, the buzzer, the horn, the gun and, especially, the organ.
11. Mavs over Heat, 2011.
10. Tom Landry.
9. Texas-OU Weekend.
8. Hoosiers.
7. High-fiving a complete stranger.
6. Ben Bishop, big between the pipes.
5. Game 7.
4. “Do you believe in miracles? Yes!!”
3. Three Super Bowls in four years.
2. Our national anthem, before every single game. Kneeling or not.
1. The freedom to love America’s Team, and to always hate the Eagles.
