Ireland: My Top 10 Whitty Observations
10. Just returned from a six-day, seven-city vacation to Ireland. Starkest takeaways: The emerald island has no pollution, no litter, no air-conditioning, no swimming pools, no sprinklers, no Uber and no guns. Refreshing, yes? It also enjoys the climate of your grocery store’s fresh vegetable compartment, with temperatures never nudging above 65 and those little misters coming on consistently enough to keep the grass green and the flowers splendid. It also, unfortunately, boasts no attractive sports. Unless, perhaps, I can interest you in some Gaelic Football?
9. Next time your teams win a championship in the NFL, NBA, MLB or NHL, don’t boast them as “world champs.” Ireland is in the world. But I can guarantee 99% of the four million Irish don’t give a damn. Your team is league champs, nothing more.
8. Best athletes in Ireland include UFC fighter Colin McGregor and golfers Shane Lowry and Rory McIlroy. Got me to wondering, “Who’s the best Irish-ish player in DFW history?” Ben Hogan and Jason Kidd both come from Irish bloodlines. But so does a pretty decent pitcher. Goes by the name of Nolan McRyan.
7. Traveling to Ireland reiterated how America is fat, and dangerous. Most Irish walk and/or ride bicycles to work, to shop, to everything. Hence, they are trim and fit. And as for being safe? Didn’t see any armed police, and there weren’t even posted speed limits on highways because drivers employ a special safety skill known as “common sense.”
6. The food was not only surprisingly edible, it was delicious. Porridge for breakfast. Every conceivable fish. And the national dish of Ireland: Lamb stew. Every meal could’ve benefited from a dash of spice, but very decent nonetheless. Maybe it was the Jameson that helped inject bland with bold?
5. The entire countryside – rolling hills covered in grass or the planet’s greenest moss – looks like an extra in Braveheart.
4. Living in Ireland is apparently ridiculously inexpensive. One day we ventured to see the Cliffs of Moher, dramatic 700-foot mountains that dove into the piercing blue water and whitecaps of the North Atlantic Ocean. Like Northern California’s Monterey Peninsula, but even more breathtaking. A house overlooking the Cliffs would seemingly go for millions. But, no. Amazingly, around 250,000 Euros, or about $275,000 U.S. dollars. Sold!
3. Sneaked away from our traveling party long enough to squeeze in one round of golf. Played at the Killarney Golf & Fishing Club, home to the Irish Open. It was in the low 50s. Intermittent rain and wind. I was a onesome. Walking. Had to rent clubs, buy balls and deal with my foot slipping due to it being regular running shoes on very wet grass. From the lush landscape to the huge deer that calmly traversed the fairways, it was one of the most enjoyable rounds of my life. What’d I shoot? 3-over, thanks for asking. Of course, that was the result of my two-ball self-scramble. But still, just 3-over, right?!
2. Just when I thought Cowboys fans were rabid, I got a taste of Ireland’s zest for Gaelic Football. The country’s annual national championship was played last Saturday and the run-up was nothing if not a combination of Trinity-Bell, Texas-OU and Cowboys-Giants. The game – a combination of soccer and rugby, far as I can tell – pitted the four-time, big-city champs from Dublin against the hearty underdogs from a patch of population near the west coast called “County Kerry.” Think Blum versus Southlake Carroll. Dublin is also akin to the New England Patriots. They usually win. And they are always, almost unanimously hated. County Kerry, conversely, was the plucky underdog that had 75% of the country rooting for it. Their green-and-gold flags were displayed everywhere – no, literally everywhere – outside of Dublin. Cars. Apartment windows. Business signs. On people. Pets. You name it. I had no idea about nothing, but I found myself “rooting” for County Kerry. Alas, I read the Irish Times on Sunday to learn that Dublin indeed won its fifth consecutive title. The final score, somehow, read like this: Dublin 1-18, County Kerry 0-15. I have, of course, zero clues about those numbers. But I did appreciate the passion.
1. I asked a guy at a bar in Limerick if American football was popular. “It’s got this strange cult following,” he said. “Groups get up in the wee hours to watch, but I don’t get it. Too many stoppages of action for me.” But, I retorted, How ’Bout Them Cowboys?! Said the guy after a big gulp of room-temperature Guinness, “Who?” Good to be back home, sweet home.