Far be it for us honorable colleagues at Bet the House World Headquarters to make light of a friend’s failings . . . but this was too tasty to pass up.
In our weekly exercise of trying to correctly pick 12 games, college and pro, against the Las Vegas betting line, featured columnist Richie Whitt, beloved by many, somehow managed to defy nearly all odds last weekend and correctly selected . . . one game. As in 1 of 12. As in 1-11 on the scoresheet.
It’s not that Richie doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s been covering and writing about football for more than 30 years.
Rather, his 1-11 result last week points to a greater problem — namely, that picking games against the pointspread can be an exercise in random futility. No self-respecting gambler bets 12 games in one weekend. If you do, I think I have a 1-800 number around here somewhere that I can text to you, if your shrink still allows you to own a phone.
As Richie accurately observed, it’s almost impossible to go 1-11 against the spread, even if you try. The pointspread is supposed to even the scores, so it’s like calling heads or tails wrong 11 of 12 times.
The feat reminds us of those stupid stories we always see around Super Bowl time, where some TV reporter goes to the local zoo and claims that a resident gorilla or chimp “picked” the Patriots to win the big game. Like the gorilla has inside information from Belichick or something.
Sure enough, before last season’s Super Bowl, young Gus the Gorilla was called upon at the Fort Worth Zoo to select the winner, and Saambili the Gorilla did the honors at the Dallas Zoo.
Both picked the Rams to beat the Patriots. Never trust a monkey.
Richie, on the other hand? Maybe.
Standings
Art Garcia 44-26-2 (6-6)
John Henry 42-28-2 (5-7)
Jan Hubbard 41-29-2 (6-6)
Anthony Andro 39-31-2 (6-6)
Marjorie Lewis 38-32-2 (4-8)
Matt Mosley 37-33-2 (5-7)
Gil LeBreton 37-33-2 (5-7)
Richie Whitt 35-35-2 (1-11)
Jimmy Burch 34-36-2 (3-9)
Carlos Mendez 32-38-2 (4-8)
ART GARCIA
Last week: 6-6
Season: 44-26-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — The first half of of the Big 12 championship won’t be a runaway. Pick: UT
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Any eligibility left for Johnny Football? Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — The Bears are ready to play more than spoiler the rest of the way. Pick: BU
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — The gauntlet continue for the feisty Gators. Pick: Florida
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Too many points for them Tigers. Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — Mean Green get back to .500 with a big road win. Pick: UNT
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Points are gonna be at a premium. Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Gotta go with the Fightin’ Herms at home. Pick: ASU
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Skid ends, no matter who plays. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — This is a true showdown. Who knew? Pick: SF
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Philly keeps the heat on the Cowboys. Pick: Eagles
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Matty Stafford and friends feeling good after their bye. Pick: Lions
JOHN HENRY
Last week: 5-7
Season: 42-28-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 – Might need one of those fancy calculators to do the math on OU’s top-rated offense in the nation going against a Texas defense that has been very Austin, hippie-like in its care and concern for others. Pick: Oklahoma
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 – The Aggies got outplayed by Arkansas, whom no one will compare to Alabama. I’ll give those points. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 – This picker of all things has liked Baylor since the first day of chapel. The Bears will be a tough out. Tech on the road has been atrocious, outscored 83-30 in two games and two losses. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Florida defense has a little something, perhaps enough to slow LSU just a bit. Only a bit. Gators don’t have enough firepower to keep pace, but … too many points for me. Pick: Florida
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Expect Missouri, with the No. 2-ranked defense in the country, to put a special package together for Johnny Reb freshman QB John Rhys Plumlee, who could find himself running for his life. Pick: Missouri
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — An important game for the Mean Green, whose dreams of being more than simply the best band in CUSA land are in place. UNT stumbles here, though. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 – Two good defensive teams and one – Penn State – that scores a lot of points, but that impressive average includes 79 against Idaho. Iowa will make Penn State slug it out. Pick: Iowa
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN – Washington State has lost two straight, including blowing a huge second-half lead to UCLA in Pullman. Blown out last week by Utah. Mike Leach gets beat again. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Cowboys have cracked the code on beating bad teams. Here’s another. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — 49ers so far living a charmed life in 2019. Pick: 49ers
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Two very weird football teams. A tie would be fitting for these schizoids, but that’s not what you’re asking of me. Home team. Pick: Vikings
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Lions had a week to get over the hangover that came with a close loss to the Chiefs, but we saw the Packers up close last week. They’re good. Pick: Packers
JAN HUBBARD
Last week: 6-6
Season: 41-29-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — OU has buried the competition but Texas is also playing at a high level. Sooners should win but that’s a big line. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Aggies left Big 12 for toughest division and toughest conference. This is what they get. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Baylor is playing Big Boy football and Tech is still without its best QB. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Florida survived in winning home game against Auburn, but the Gators are far from home. Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Missouri hasn’t played the toughest schedule, but that works since Ole Miss isn’t the toughest opponent. Pick: Missouri
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — Mean Green has yet to win a road game and Southern Miss has yet to lose at home. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Penn State has defeated last two opponents 89-7. That won’ t be the case against a rugged Iowa team. Pick: Iowa
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — As Herman Edwards has undoubtedly told his team: You play the game to win. play the game to win! Pick: Arizona State.
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Jason Garrett will have the Cowboys ready to play a bad team. He’s good like that. Pick: Dallas
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — Are the undefeated 49ers for real? Last years NFC champs will find out. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Eagles seem to be trending hot. Pick: Eagles
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Sure, the Lions are capable of an upset. But they always find a way to disappoint their fans. Pick: Packers
ANTHONY ANDRO
Last week: 6-6
Season: 39-31-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — OU may win but it’s not this much better than Texas. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Only way my Ags keep it close if Alabama rests starters and Aggies get late garbage TD. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Tech was better last week than I thought but can it sustain that. Nope. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Death Valley for Florida’s title run. Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Two bad SEC teams square off but dinged up Kelly Bryant is the difference. Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — The fun is done for the Mean Green. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — This 10-7 game is typical Big 10 fun. Pick: Iowa
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Gonna go with the home team. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Cowboy do well against crap teams, and the Jets qualify. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — Welcome to Loss No. 1 San Francisco. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — The Vikings realized they have a vertical passing game last week. Pick: Vikings
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Go Pack Go. Pick: Packers
MARJORIE LEWIS
Last week: 4-8
Season: 38-32-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — Oklahoma is gunning for a playoff spot, but this is a rivalry game. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Alabama is far superior and will remind Texas A&M of just how far. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Baylor has the best defense in the Big 12, but Texas Tech will make a late charge to keep Baylor from covering. Pick: Texas Tech
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Florida beat a one-dimensional team last week. LSU is not one-dimensional. Plus, it’s at home and at night. Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Missouri is the better team, but not a 12-point better team. Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — North Texas is better than its record, but the trend continues. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Penn State has no weaknesses. Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Washington State starts fast every season but then slides. The slide continues against the well-balanced Sun Devils. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Cowboys rebound from two losses despite the return of QB Sam Darnold. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — Without injured FB Kyle Juszcyk, the 49ers will have to pass. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — QB Kirk Cousins plus the Vikings’ superior defensive front will prevail. Pick: Vikings
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Packers are at least five points better than a much improved Detroit team. Pick: Packers
MATT MOSLEY
Last week: 5-7
Season: 37-33-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — This line will move to about 9 by Saturday based on major Longhorn money coming in. Thanks to the Bet the House oddsmakers and Vegas for being so generous with this line. Horns will definitely cover. And it will be very close. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Tua is trying to keep a straight face this week. He will embarrass both Jimbo Fisher and Anthony Andro. Maybe the easiest line of the week. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Yikes, that’s a big line in what’s been a fun rivalry over the years. I like the way Matt Wells’ team responded last week. Tech to cover, Bears to win (of course). Pick: Texas Tech
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — I’ve been waiting for Dan Mullen to get exposed. Here ya go!! Joe Burrow is a legit Heisman candidate. Tigahs roll! Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — I hate hate hate picking this game. I have such little respect for these two programs. Give me the Spagnolas. Pick: Missouri
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — You really can’t trust the Mean Green this season. This has been maddening. But let’s give Seth one more chance. Pick: North Texas
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — How can you have any respect for the Hawkeyes after that lackluster effort vs. Harbaugh? Give me the Nittany Lions just on principle. But cut that hair and lose those tattoos! Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Talk about two iffy programs right now. I sort of like Herman, but I can’t pick ASU. Pick: Washington State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — I knew this would be the line. With two more points, I’d take the hapless Jets. But I’m choosing the hapless Cowboys at this number. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — Wait, the Niners are good? This is quite a development. But I like McVay at hime. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Vikings bounced back against a dreadful team. Eagles are porous in the secondary, but this is Kirk Cousins we’re talking about. Pick: Eagles
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — With all due respect to Matt Patricia and his beard, the Lions always return to being the Lions. Rodgers is flying high right now. Pick: Packers
GIL LeBRETON
Last week: 5-7
Season: 37-33-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — First team to 50 wins . . . maybe. Pick: Oklahoma
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Running game issues make Aggies an easy mark for Tide. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Again, it’s hard to pick against Baylor these days. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — The difference at QB between Joe Burrow and Kyle Trask is vast. Plus, Tigers playing at home, at night, against an opponent that they’ve learned to truly despise. Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Rebels aren’t that bad. Take the points and don’t look back. Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — Hard to have much confidence in Mean Green defense. Pick: USM
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Nittany Lions have allowed four touchdowns in five games. Defense always travels well. Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Cougars fired their defensive coordinator and the Pirate thinks they’re fat, dumb and entitled. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Cowboys kick-start the bandwagon with another win against a lousy team. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — The combined records of 49ers opponents this season: 5-15. The Rams are way better. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Philly should win this one straight up. Pick: Eagles
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Green Bay should win, but the Lions have played everyone close. Pick: Lions
RICHIE WHITT
Last week: 1-11
Season: 35-35-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — Lincoln Riley/Jalen Hurts against Texas’ lack of pass rush and banged-up secondary smells like a blowout of Bevo. Pick: Oklahoma
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — 3-2 Aggies shouldn’t still be ranked after 4-point escape over horrible Arkansas. This blowout will make sure they’re not next week. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — It’s a conundrum when you’ve been bitten doubting both teams. Bears defense looked surprisingly ferocious last week in Manhattan. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Gators’ can’t count on 90-yard TD runs every week like they produced against Auburn, but their speedy defense should keep this one close. Pick: Florida
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Look, I went 1-11 last week. Why are you still reading my picks? Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — Mean Green’s once-promising season now merely a memory. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — If I could make up for last week with one pick, this would be it. Nittany Lions have an explosive offense and Iowa runs a 1927-model plowing combine. This won’t be close. Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — I have a gambling rule: Never back a team that coughed up a 32-point, third-quarter lead at home. Never. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Garrett’s squad goes to 4-0 against the really crappy opponents on its schedule. Sam Darnold or not. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — No way SF is as good as it looked on Monday night. No way. Right? Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Bittersweet: Dan Bailey with the game-winning FG for Minny, which helps Cowboys in standings but tugs at their fans’ heartstrings while watching Brett Maher struggle. Pick: Vikings
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Cowboys helped Green Bay discover its mojo. Now? Watch out! Pick: Packers
JIMMY BURCH
Last week: 3-9
Season: 34-36-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — Double digits seems like a large degree of separation between teams that look an awful lot alike to me. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Except for one nightmarish trip to Tuscaloosa, the Aggies usually make the Crimson Tide sweat when they meet as SEC rivals. They will again. Pick: A&M
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Is anyone in college football doing a better job this season than Baylor coach Matt Rhule? Not in my mind. Pick: Baylor
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — The Tigers’ rowdy home crowd and solid defense finally expose the Gators’ less-than-stellar QB play as a major stumbling block. Pick: LSU
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Two mostly middling SEC teams battling under the radar. I’ll take the one getting points. Pick: Ole Miss
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — I am fully “out” on the Mean Green bandwagon after a recent series of underwhelming efforts. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Penn State may be the best team in the country that no one outside of Happy Valley is talking about as a playoff contender. Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Here’s hoping they mic up both coaches. It would be a good listen. As for the outcome, the home field rules the day. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — I’m still more on board with the Cowboys’ hype than the Sam Darnold hype. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — The 49ers looked like world-beaters on Monday night. And the Rams seem to be missing their mojo from last season. Pick: 49ers
Eagles at Vikings -3 — The Eagles won in Green Bay. They can win in Minnesota, too. Pick: Eagles
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — Although the Lions have a two-game winning streak in Lambeau Field, history has not been kind to them when the Packers have a healthy Aaron Rodgers and legitimate playoff hopes. Pick: Packers
CARLOS MENDEZ
Last week: 4-8
Season: 32-38-2
Texas vs Oklahoma -11 1/2 — Surely the Texas defense is good enough to cover this spread. Surely Jalen Hurts is not evolving exponentially every week. Pick: Texas
Alabama at Texas A&M +16 1/2 — Thought, thought and thought. Then stopped. Pick: Alabama
Texas Tech at Baylor -11 — Can’t trust Texas Tech. Think I can trust Baylor. Know I can’t trust college football. Pick: Texas Tech
Florida at LSU -13 1/2 — Two touchdowns is tough, even with quarterback and home field edge. Pick: Florida
Ole Miss at Missouri -11 1/2 — Like this Missouri offense with Kelly Bryant, even on a bad wheel. Pick: Missouri
North Texas at Southern Miss -3 1/2 — This looks like a good game. No idea which way it will go. But it looks like a good game. Pick: Southern Miss
Penn State at Iowa +3 1/2 — Kind of a worrisome half-point. No overtime! Pick: Penn State
Washington State at Arizona State EVEN — Something about Herm Edwards clicks with his kids. Pick: Arizona State
Cowboys at Jets -7 — Get away from home, get away from a good team. That’ll work. Pick: Cowboys
49ers at Rams -3 1/2 — So the Rams need to figure something out on defense, and the 49ers have it going on offense. Seems easy enough. But it’s the NFL. Pick: Rams
Eagles at Vikings -3 — Eagles have the quarterback edge, Vikings have the running back edge. I’ll take the home defense. Pick: Vikings
Lions at Packers -4 1/2 — The Packers solve their offensive problems last week? Pick: Lions