Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
• Give me Karl “The Mailman” Malone over Grapevine rap sensation Post Malone, but the latter forced the unfathomable last week. “Posty Fest” at AT&T Stadium was the first official event in Jerry Jones’ reign to feature Bud Light sold alongside Miller Lite. Jerry long ago made Miller Lite the official beer of the Cowboys. Post Malone and his Bud Light-sponsored tour, however, prompted the owner to at least temporary bend his rules. No doubt helps that Malone’s father, Rich, is the Cowboys’ assistant director of food and beverage. Now it all makes sense, eh?
• Feel like the Nationals owe Elvis Andrus a World Series ring. Or something. Remember way back on Opening Day when the Rangers shortstop walked to the plate to the irritating-yet-catchy “Baby Shark”? It was his bit. Cute. In honor of his son. Somewhere along the way in June, Washington’s Gerardo Parra also began using the viral tune as his walk-up music. Nationals fans, er, bit. Next thing you know it was their theme song for the season. They even played it at last week’s trip to The White House. But, but … that was Elvis’ idea!
• Serious question: Why did America lose its shit over the black cat running on the field Monday night at The Meadowlands? Last I checked, cats are everywhere. On the Internet. In alleys. Perched on that tiny, weird ledge in your house. I mean, everywhere. And animals running onto sports fields isn’t that rare. Just weird to me the cat memes and cat T-shirts and cat everything in the wake of that game. Furthermore, folks are trying to “credit” the black with helping the Cowboys. But, um, black cats are supposed to be bad luck. We, the people, are a strange breed. For what it’s worth, give me Felix the Cat and his extremely handy “bag of tricks,” from which he could pull everything from a hamburger to a house. I want one of those for Christmas.
• We all ripped the Mavs for their lack of off-season moves, but they’re better than we expected. Kristaps Porzingis is legit. The bench is averaging 45 points per game. And, somehow, Luka Doncic is improved over last season. (I could do without his exaggerated theatrics, flopping, etc.) The Mavs are 3-0 on the road for the first time since 2011, otherwise known as their last meaningful season. After Wednesday’s home escape against the Magic they are 5-2, with losses in overtime to the Lakers and by two to Portland. Not too big of a stretch to think they should be 7-0?
• Friend of a friend recently died from skin cancer. Since I’m a fair-skinned Nordic and always in the sun (tennis, golf, running, life), I went for a full body scan. Good news: No cancer. Bad news: Doc froze nine pre-cancerous spots, and left me looking like Chris “Hives” Elliott from Something About Mary. But, as my friend reminded me, the irritations are temporary; cancer could be permanent. I went to LakewoodDermatology.com. If you don’t go there, go get checked somewhere. Better safe than sorry.
• College basketball is back and the most impressive debut was by Kentucky freshman Tyrese Maxey, who poured in 26 points in a win over Michigan State. Maxey went to high school at South Garland, dangit. By the way, the Mavs could be a legit contender today if they had Memphis’ freshman center. Keep an eye on James Wiseman. He’s going to be an NBA game-changer.
• Biggest change in Dak Prescott are his bigger throws. With more confidence, more encouragement and better weapons, the Cowboys quarterback has thrown eight touchdowns that have traveled at least 15 yards in the air. Most in the NFL. Hard to remember him as a conservative check-down specialist. But he was. Just 12 months ago.
• I know, I know. This will be considered baseball blasphemy. But now Nolan Ryan’s 10-gallon ego has helped him become estranged from both the Rangers and Astros. At some point, fans have to take off their Big Tex-colored glasses and admit it’s Nolan that’s the common denominator.
• Hot.
• Not.
• In the wake of last week’s radio ratings report, I received calls from all sorts of hosts, producers and decision-makers. Funniest thing I heard: Former Cowboys receiver and 105.3 The Fan part-time host Jesse Holley was recently fired because he stood up and went nose-to-nose and almost fist-to-fist with long-time Cowboys insider Mickey Spagnola during a remote broadcast. Shame on Holley. Mick is like 5-foot-7. And like 67. The Fan definitely was on the right side of this one.
• Cowboys’ Thanksgiving halftime performer this year is … Ellie Goulding. Not that she can’t sing, but her pedestrian persona feels too vanilla for Jerry’s national stage. I just knew we’d be treated to the dudes that sing “Horses in the back … ”
• We think Byron Jones is a decent cornerback, right? How is it then that he’s gone 33 games without an interception? The Patriots’ Devin McCourty has five picks, this season. Brandon Carr once had a similarly empty stretch in Dallas. Gotta be a lack of ball skills, plain and simple.
• From 2016-17, I was the director of communications for a unique development called Trident Lakes up in Bonham. Basically a five-star, upscale Doomsday resort, complete with ornate fountains, underground tunnels and a waiting list of 1,000-plus. But one day as I was doing an interview with a Japanese reporter and I got that feeling. You know the one. Something just wasn’t right. I resigned. Best decision I ever made. Last week, the lead developer was sentenced to 15 months in federal prison for agreeing to launder hundreds of thousands of dollars through Trident Lakes for a Columbian drug cartel. Yeah, yikes.
• Dak ain’t perfect. But during last Sunday’s early games I saw these quarterbacks take snaps in NFL games: Brian Hoyer. Matt Moore. Dwayne Haskins. Mason Rudolph. Ryan Fitzpatrick. Kyle Allen. Mitch Trubisky. Ryan Tannehill. Kirk Cousins. Sam Darnold. Josh Allen. I’ll keep what we got, thanks.
• TV star Steve Harvey owns a $1.2 million house in Aubrey, just east of Denton. Not sure why, but I just find that amusing. I guess my question is … why Aubrey?
• Buzz phrase I tired of in 2019: “Master class.”
• Not saying we need to put Jason Witten out to pasture, but Blake Jarwin needs more snaps. More opportunities. Why? He has 12 catches this season. Among them, he has gained 42, 35, 28 and 22 yards. Witten hasn’t produced a YAC of more than three yards since his helmet was yanked off in Philly in 2007.
• Best show on TV is HBO’s Real Sports. This month’s episode features an update on the dogs formerly tortured by Michael Vick. Watch the segment. Remember what Vick did to those dogs. Drowning. Electrocution. Starvation. Then get pissed all over when you realize he has 2.8 million Twitter followers and a cozy job as a football analyst on Fox Sports. Disgusting.
• Signed up for the Turkey Trot 8-mile run on Thanksgiving morning. After the recent Tough Mudder, I feel like – fingers crossed – it’ll be a walk in the park.
• This weekend? Tennis Saturday morning, followed by some Alabama-LSU. Sunday night is Cowboys-Vikings. As always, don’t be a stranger.
