Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Dak Prescott owns pit bulls, one of which – “Icon” – chewed through a fence last month and attacked neighboring dogs and their 50-year-old owner. Dak’s dog has been quarantined for a couple of weeks in Frisco, but days before a scheduled “Dangerous Dog” hearing, the Cowboys quarterback reached a deal to get Icon back. With one caveat: Icon must leave the city, and never come back. I’m hearing people react with this irrational proposal: “Dak should just take his dogs and move.” Seriously? Move? For a dog? How about getting a dog(s) that doesn’t chew through fences and attack other living things? I classify myself as “dog tolerant.” I’ve always had dogs, but often wondered why. If I’m honest, their cons (incessantly dependent, needy, must be fed, walked, shedding, peeing in house, chewing furniture, whining when unhappy, rarely volunteer to help with chores) outweigh the pros (companionship). I wouldn’t fathom selling my house and moving for the sake of a dog, especially one whose DNA and instincts motivate it to put others at risk. UPDATE: As I was typing this – swear – I got a frantic text from a close friend that was attacked by a stray dog Thursday afternoon while walking her dog in Plano. This perpetrator was a chocolate lab. Her dog is at the vet and she’s headed to the hospital. Said she had to bite the attacker on the snoot to pry its jaws off her dog’s neck.
*Here’s what the Mavs should do: 1, Shut down Luka Doncic for the final 15 games of the season, but let him practice with Kristaps Porzingis. 2, Go after three-time All-Star guard Kemba Walker in free agency. Luka has nothing left to prove this season. He should be Rookie of the Year. But he’s getting frustrated, evidenced by a horrendous game this week in which he had nine turnovers and the yips at the free-throw line, missing eight of nine. We won’t remember anything he does down the stretch, unless it’s an injury (for the record, he did feel his knee “pop” recently in Houston). Porzingis is being held out, despite wowing head coach Rick Carlisle in practice. “He’s going to be fabulous,” the Mavs’ coach said. “From a skills standpoint, from a guy 7-foot-3, I’ve never seen anything like this.” Walker, like Luka, is a combo guard that can run the offense, distribute, penetrate, catch-and-shoot and make plays against the shot clock. Add a lottery pick to that roster and the 2020 basketball season couldn’t get here soon enough.
*Beto O’Rourke has my vote for 2020 President. Why? Because he, like me, wants a full examination of our U.S. Constitution – a 232-year-old document authored by dudes who owned slaves, wore wigs, wrote with quills and never envisioned things like airplanes, the internet or AR-15s. The Founding Fathers may have been sharp guys for their time, but constructing a set of rules to govern a society 232 years into the future is simply preposterous. No? Go ahead, then, and jot down your “laws” applicable for the year 2251. Beto will address immigration, climate change and, you betcha, the Second Amendment. And I generally guffaw at the “yeah, but he couldn’t even win a Senate race in Texas” argument. He was a 21-point road underdog that lost on a late field goal. Beto won nine of Texas’ 10 biggest cities (only Plano remained red). He ruled where the people live. Where culture exists. Where diversity thrives harmoniously. He lost where fear and ignorance are still the main motivators to voters. The real Civil War in America isn’t conservative versus liberal, but more so urban versus rural. Or, these days, is that the same battle?
*Here I was, all worried about the Rangers’ season. But Mike Minor will be the Opening Day starter and the two catchers on the roster will be Jeff Mathis and Isiah Kiner-Falefa. What could go wrong?
*As a kid I thought Batman was the shit. Do-it-all utility belt. Badass man cave. The Batmobile. Could think his way out of any villainous trap. Then along came Spider-Man. In a fight, I’d take the guy who could virtually fly over the guy with the fast car with the intimidating flame exhaust. But superheroes have come a lonnnnng way. Saw Captain Marvel last weekend, and now I’d take her in a Royal Rumble for world domination. She can not only fly, but at hyper-space speed throughout the galaxy. And she doesn’t need guns because she’s got these fire fists that blast unfathomable energy. I mean, she’d incinerate Batman with a wink. I think I’m in love. But … after further review, I’m staying loyal to “Neo” from The Matrix. He can fly. He can simply put up his palm and emasculate anything (including unfathomable energy) headed his way. And he can turn any foe into code, slide it onto a computer chip and do it all while wearing a trench coat and shades and never breaking a sweat. My current Top 10 “superhero” rankings:
- Neo
- Captain Marvel (would be No. 1, but I’m afraid her hair might get in her face at a crucial juncture)
- Deadpool (because humor is a weapon)
- Superman
- Iron Man
- Hulk (because every movie comes down to a fist fight)
- Stewie Griffin (because Time Machine, duh)
- Black Panther
- Speed Racer (because every movie comes down to high-speed car chase)
- Austin Powers (because love conquers all, almost)
*From the Dept. of Better Late Than Never: My alma mater – Duncanville High School – won the Class 6A boys state basketball championship last weekend. In the semifinals the Panthers beat Galena Park North Shore, the same school that kicked them in the crotch in the football championship game on a walk-off Hail Mary. DHS was thissss close to a rare double football-basketball state championship year.
*The Cowboys aren’t doing nothing in free agency, but they are acting like defending Super Bowl champs with tiny fissures to fill rather than gaping holes. They’ve resigned Tavon Austin, Jamize Olawale and Cameron Fleming, and added former Texan Christian Covington for depth along the interior of the defensive line. What, those moves don’t move you to buy season tickets?
*Vowing not to listen to Thriller in the wake of HBO’s Michael Jackson documentary? Noble, but tricky. Leonardo da Vinci had a 12-year-old girlfriend and was accused of sodomy, so you also probably shouldn’t appreciate the Mona Lisa. And we all know about Elvis and 14-year-old Priscilla. Chick-Fil-A discriminates against the LGBTQ community. Where do we draw the line and how do we separate personal transgressions from professional triumphs? I dare say that if we dug deep enough, we wouldn’t like anything. Including the person in our mirror.
*Went to the dentist this week and he said his office now uses metal braces on only 10 percent of patients. The new thing is “Invisalign”, which are essentially clear, removable trays. There will be a time in our lives – maybe next week? – when we look at photos of us in braces the way we remember dialing a rotary, wall-mounted telephone with one of those 20-foot twirled-up cords.
*Baseball purists will hate this, but their sport is finally wising up to 2019: TV viewers want action, not strategy. Rules changes for this season limit teams to five total mound visits during a game. Next season, starting and relief pitchers must face a minimum of three batters. I’ve always thought it was a silly waste of time to have an old man walk slowly from the dugout to the mound just to change pitchers. Simply call for the change from the dugout. Imagine Carlisle having to walk onto the court and tap a player when he wanted to make a sub. Oh, and the All-Star Home Run Derby now offers a $1 million prize to the winner. Joey Gallo’s ears just perked up.
*Twitter announcing it will stop displaying the numbers of retweets and likes is like the NFL playing games without keeping score. What’s the point? “Look how popular my thoughts are!” is the energy that fuels the platform. Without the data, Twitter is just one big diary.
*If you’re underwhelmed by the Cowboys in free agency, just wait for the Cowboys in the draft. The Giants and Eagles will make three picks and the Redskins two before Dallas makes its first choice at No. 58 overall.
*Ever wondered where Duke, North Carolina and almost every major college basketball power got those 5-foot-6, towel-waving white dudes on the end of their benches? This week’s admissions scandal gave us the answer. Parents paying $500,000 bribes to coaches to get their kids on scholarship, and coaches accepting them. Even happened in tennis, at Texas. Longhorns long-time coach Michael Center, who’d been the head guy in Austin for 19 years, was fired for taking a $100,000 bribe.
*Legendary author Dan Jenkins, who passed away last week, once told me “I like your writing … when you don’t get too heavy on the syrup.” Guilty. And eternally flattered.
*This weekend? Saturday temps in the 50s isn’t perfect parade weather, but Dallas’ annual Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade is a standing date. As always, don’t be a stranger.
