Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Accuse me of baseball blasphemy in 3 … 2 … 1 … Opening Day is overrated. No, your kids shouldn’t skip school to go watch Rangers-Cubs Thursday at 1 p.m. And, no, the beginning of baseball season most certainly should not be a national holiday. I get the military flyovers, the red-white-blue bunting and ceremonial first pitches delivered by governor Greg Abbott and the like. But, in reality, it’s one game. One of 162. Opening Day represents 0.61% of the baseball season. Otherwise known as not deserving of 70(ish) percent of the season’s fanfare. Now, if Major League Baseball assigned a 16-game value (10% of the season) to Opening Day results, then – and only then – you’d have something to go bonkers about.
*Been a Rangers fan since I sat in the metal bleachers for Opening Night at old Arlington Stadium in 1973. Always hope (and sometimes pray) they win. But I’m also a realist who this year knows they won’t. And, truth be told, so do the Rangers. Hence, the team will hold 23 promotional events this season giving away bobbleheads, T-shirts and assorted trinkets and only one – “Elvis Andrus Infield Base Set Night” on June 9 – will feature a current player. The nine bobblehead giveaways will feature signature players and plays from Globe Life Park’s 26-year history, including Gary Matthews Jr.’s epic over-the-wall catch (May 4), Josh Hamilton’s batting title (June 1) and Kenny Rogers’ perfect game (Aug. 17). Texas Rangers 2019: Come for the promotions! Stay for the baseball?
*The Cowboys lost Cole Beasley, but rebounded by signing a younger, bigger, better, cheaper replacement in Randall Cobb. Jerry Jones gets a lot wrong, but this one he piped 308 yards down the middle of the fairway. The former Packer will slide into Beasley’s slot position, where he thrived for years with quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Cobb is 28; Beasley 29. Cobb is costing the Cowboys $5 million for one year; Beasley signed a four-year, $29 million deal in Buffalo. Here’s where it really gets juicy: In only two more NFL games (105-103), Cobb has more catches (470-319), yards (5,524-3,271) and touchdowns (41-23) than Beasley. The only negative is that Cobb is coming off an injury-plagued 2018 that led to the lowest production of his career. But if he’s healthy (he was sidelined by a hamstring and a concussion), this was like a shrewd trade for the Cowboys.
*Don’t look now, but the Cowboys are enjoying a legendarily good run at long-snapper. First it was Dale Hellestrae, who won three Super Bowl rings while never delivering a single bad snap from 1990-2000. And now marches on L.P. Ladouceur, who this week agreed to a $1 million contract paving the way for his 15th consecutive season. Ladouceur, who was mistakenly called for that bogus “snap infraction” penalty against the Redskins last season, will tie Too Tall Jones, Mark Tuinei and Bill Bates for the second-longest tenure in franchise history, behind only Jason Witten. Only Witten and Jones have played more games for the Cowboys than Ladouceur. Moral to the story: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
*Dirk Nowitzki’s out of gas, but up the chart. Despite passing Wilt Chamberlain this week, the 40-year-old legend’s shooting percentages are at career-low percentages across the board. But does he squeeze out one more year? Playing with Luka Doncic and Kristaps Porzingis has to be tantalizing. As does finishing in the NBA’s all-time top five in scoring. Stay healthy, average 10 points per game and this time next year Dirk could pass … Michael Jordan.
*Some of us that are old enough to remember baseball’s first $1-million player (Nolan Ryan, 1980) are now contemplating being around for the first $1 billion player. Scoff if you want, but Mike Trout’s new $430 million deal has us almost halfway there.
*Tough for teams that felt snubbed on Selection Sunday to rebound emotionally two days later for a consolation-prize NIT game. Apparently it’s even more difficult for fans. Texas and TCU both won their first-round games before announced crowds of 1,739 in Austin and 3,095 in Fort Worth. With no DFW teams – same as it ever was – having a chance for the Final Four, I guess we’re rooting for the Longhorns and Frogs to meet in the NIT semis at Madison Square Garden. Winner plays Arkansas, deal?
*Less than a week after 50 of its citizens were gunned down in mosque attacks, New Zealand has announced “a national ban on all military-style semiautomatic weapons, all high-capacity ammunition magazines and all parts that allow weapons to be modified.” There’s also a buyback program and regulations on ammunition. Hey, America, this is how it’s done. Problem + solution = Less of a problem. Will it be perfect? No. Will it be better? Yup. Instead, we’ll irrationally cling to the Second Amendment, cry about individual “rights” and do absolutely nothing while another 40,000 Americans die this year via guns.
*How much Madness is there in March? No one has ever picked a perfect bracket from play-in games through the championship. And I don’t think that would be possible, even if you could pick your team with two minutes left in every game. Pretty sure we’ve invented “live brackets.” If not, we should.
*Speaking of Madness, AT&T’s irritating, bland “analyst” commercial is gonna wind up costing it customers. The “Just OK Is Not OK” campaign is funny, but having this guy shoved down our throats while weaving a wicker basket after every halftime break is beyond too much.
*Errol Spence Jr. can punch, and he’s also a hit. Fox’s voyage into pay-per-view boxing – last Saturday’s Spence fight in Arlington – was a resounding knockout. The fight drew almost 400,000 buys at $75 a pop. Those buys – and a resulting $30 million in revenue – are Manny Pacquiao territory. Bodes well for a Spence-Pacquiao fight back in AT&T Stadium this summer.
*Good news: The Rangers won’t spend every day of the season in last place in the AL West, as they are a full game up on the A’s after their early start 0-2 in Tokyo. Bad news: Through 34 spring at-bats before suffering a groin injury, Joey Gallo struck out 14 times and failed to hit a homer.
*Props to LaDainian Tomlinson, who this week announced the Tomlinson Student-Athlete Development Endowment Fund. The fund will lend support to student-athletes from all of TCU’s sports programs – 21 in total – to help them with their careers and lives following their graduations. It would be a better world if the media highlighted more feel-good stories like this one. But here I am – guilty – making a lower-half bullet point.
*Are we really this uptight? The FCC received 94 complaints regarding last month’s Super Bowl broadcast on CBS. More than half – 58 – took issue with Maroon 5’s halftime show in general and lead singer Adam Levine’s bare chest in specific. America just can’t deal with nipples.
*The Rangers might have found this year’s Bartolo Colon in Hunter Pence. They are so desperate for pizzazz that the 36-year-old Pence – six years removed from his peak and coming off a season hitting .226 with the San Francisco Giants – is actually a feel-good storyline in Surprise.
*Good for Dubya Bush, recording his first hole-in-one this week while playing at Trinity Forest Golf Club. Also, bravo on his next goal: “I want to live to 100 so I can shoot my age.” All three are on my bucket list.
*Maybe in 2019 they can re-brand as the McRangers, mimicking the fast-food restaurant that has achieved wild success by camouflaging its pedestrian, pre-fabricated fare with cutesy names, playgrounds, clowns and plastic toys doubling as garnish.
*As if the poor kids at SMU needed a financial boost, the American Athletic Conference this week signed a new TV deal with ESPN that will pay it $1 billion over the next 12 years. The payout is $83 million per year, or around $7 million per school, per year. Obscene as that sounds, it’s pennies compared to the $50 million doled out to each Big Ten school every season. This just in: College sports is big business.
*The Rangers swapped managers, dumping Jeff Banister for Chris Woodward. Likewise, they have a new official hashtag. 2018: #NeverEverQuit; 2019: #TogetherWe. Sounds like they hired the genius who branded Melania Trump’s anti-bullying campaign as #BeBest.
*For what it’s worth, my Final Four: Michigan St., Florida St., Tennessee and North Carolina. Duke is too selfish and doesn’t shoot the 3-pointer consistently enough to win six straight.
*This weekend? Weather permitting, let’s play in the Garland Open tennis tournament. Only a 90% chance of thunderstorms on Saturday so, yeah, looks real promising. As always, don’t be a stranger.
