Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Pay attention, Dallas. This is how it’s done. Once upon a time, the Byron Nelson and Colonial golf tournaments were back-to-back and neck-and-neck. The Nelson was at the stuffy Four Seasons in Las Colinas, but easy-access shuttles to and from Texas Stadium, spectator friendly mounds and trees, and the see-and-be-seen scene inside the Pavilion made it not a golf tournament, but an event. The contrarian, but equally popular, Colonial was old-school, a classic golf course that was as easy to walk as it was as easy on the eyes. Colonial was golf; Nelson all gawk. They offered unique attractions, but were circled destinations on the DFW spring calendar. No more. Today the Colonial is still the Colonial, but the Nelson is … irrelevant? The move from Las Colinas to Trinity Forest has been an unmitigated PR disaster. The new Nelson course is bland. Too easy. No trees. Pavilion only a faint echo of its former self. PGA champ Brooks Koepka says it was a mistake to move. So does my 79-year-old golf nut of a father, who will drive from the far reaches of Johnson County to Frisco watch an LPGA event, but no longer has interest in the Nelson. The buzz is gone, and so are the fans. This year’s AT&T Classic drew only 144,000 fans over four days, down 28% from last year and a whopping 50% plummet from the final year at the Four Seasons in 2017. Get used to Colonial winning the annual DFW/PGA golf swing, because despite its glaring problems the Nelson is staying put in South Dallas. The contract calls for eight more tournaments at Trinity Forest, running through 2027.
*Good news: The Rangers are more than competitive, they’re decent. Above .500, in second place in the AL West and looking nowhere near the sad outfit I predicted would lose 90-plus games. They’re also seeing a big improvement from Joey Gallo and developing a solid No. 1 pitcher in Mike Minor, who has baseball’s sixth-best ERA since June 1, 2018. Bad news: They face the largest deficit of any second-place team in baseball. Thanks, Astros.
*Optimism from Cowboys OTAs: After a sub-par season littered with injuries and penalties, left tackle Tyron Smith says he’s committed to coming back “stronger and better” than ever.
*No surprise that the Mavs’ Luka Doncic made the NBA’s All-Rookie team. All top five picks from the NBA Draft were voted to the squad, first time that’s occurred since 1985 when it was fellas named Olajuwon, Bowie, Jordan, Perkins and Barkley.
*I tend to fancy myself and wife, Sybil, as savvy folks. Not rocket scientists, mind you, but keen enough to navigate this Earth in an orderly manner and without looking too much the fool. Until last weekend, that is. We’re kayaking on White Rock Lake on a gorgeous-but-windy Sunday when Sybil spots … something. “What is that?!” she exclaims. “I don’t know,” I counter, “but it’s hauling ass.” What did it look like? A darkish head with rigid, beady eyes cruising across the top of the water. “Alligator!” we said in unison. What was it? A stump. Just an old, exposed tree stump. To our “educated” brains, what appeared to be moving was, in reality, very stationary while the wave-whipped water merely tricked us. Not our finest moment. But one of our funniest.
*Had ol’ friend and former radio partner Newy Scruggs on our Press Box DFW Live! vodcast this week. I was reminded that he’s been at NBC5 since 2000. I’d forgotten that he replaced not Scott Murray, but Brian Jensen. Got me to thinking: Who did co-icons Dale Hansen and Mike Doocy replace? Answers: Somebody named Carl Arky was at Channel 8 before Hansen took over in 1983, and Doocy’s predecessor in 1994 was Craig James. Yeah, it’s been a minute.
*Not that we needed one here in Tornado Alley, but Wednesday night’s twister in Missouri that killed three was a sobering reminder those bastards are deadly dangerous. But, surprisingly, tornadoes kill an average of only 60 Americans a year, or less than malaria or stairs or even lawnmowers. Also shocking (at least to me): Of the 10 deadliest tornadoes in U.S. history exactly none of them were in Texas. A testament to the advancement of meteorology and warning systems, all but one – Joplin, Missouri in 2011 – tore through America 50-plus years ago.
*If Josh Hamilton deserves the Rangers’ HOF, why not A-Rod? Both excelled on field, then took parting shots on way out. In A-Rod’s three seasons he missed only one game, won an MVP (was sixth and second the other two years), made every All-Star team, won Gold Gloves and averaged 52 HRs, 131 RBI and a .305 average. I hate A-Fraud, but if the bar has been lowered, then … His vice (steroids) helped him and his team. Hamilton’s (drugs, alcohol) were a detriment to him and his team.
*If you don’t use your car’s turn signal, we can’t be friends. Drivers that can’t be inconvenienced by lifting their finger about two inches and pulling or pushing a light, plastic lever can’t be trusted. What’s the rest of their lives look like? Yikes. Their selfishness causes, at the least, other drivers to guess at their intentions or, at the worst, accidents. Selfishness sucks, but especially behind the wheel. Use your blinker. Or lose my number.
*Dead ’n Gone: The Dallas Mavericks Dancers and ManiAACs. Founding father Don Carter approves.
*Speaking of horrible drivers: Carrollton police this week reported that an erratic driver was distracted while making toast. Toast. In a toaster. On second thought, just stay home. Forever.
*The Cowboys not only have an official eSports team – compLexity – it has its own wing at franchise headquarters in Frisco. The new digs, for people that play video games, includes advanced training rooms with climate control, a “mind gym” for cognitive and mental prep, a player lounge with Miller Lite on tap and a decompression porch with nap pods to rest.
*In 2018, Americans spent $72.1 billion on pets. I could list all the ways that money could be better used to further the human race, or I could just zip it and keep everyone in my house happy.
*The NFL has outlawed four physical drills – including “Oklahoma” and “Bull in the Ring” – that have long been staples of hard-ass coaches hell-bent on toughening their troops. Another sign we just might be alive for an NFL void of tackling altogether.
*You probably think Game of Thrones was a big deal. Like, everyone was watching it, right? The series finale drew 13.6 million live viewers. Um, there were 70 – seventy – NFL games in 2018 that drew more viewers. The Cowboys’ meaningless Week 17 game against the Giants garnered more (16 million) and their playoff game against the Rams dwarfed GOT’s climax by 20 million (34 million). For what it’s worth, the most-watched, non-sports TV show in U.S. history was also a series finale. M*A*S*H drew 105 million in 1983.
*The Warriors are the first team to play in five consecutive NBA Finals since Bill Russell’s Celtics made 10 straight in the ’60s. The preceding sentence was brought to you by Michael Jordan and the good folks at baseball.
*Watched Saturday Night Live last week and DJ Khaled is a joke, right? A spoof character to be laughed at, not lauded? The guy is obviously well-connected in the rap community, but he needs to keep his Rolodex and ditch his mic. Far as I can tell he isn’t really a DJ, and he doesn’t dance or sing or rap, but more so just serves as a mascot not talented enough to be up front with the cheerleaders. During songs, he simply screams “Let’s go!” and makes guttural noises like a man who slammed his fingers in the car door. In other words, he’s the musical version of the Kardashians: Famous for being famous.
*If you’re a Stars fan, does it make you feel better or worse that the St. Louis Blues advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals? On one hand, the team you took to a Game 7 double-overtime might win the championship. Validates that your team was pretty dang good. On the other hand, that could/should be us!
*Something tells me leather and cheese wouldn’t be as popular if they went by their actual definitions: Bull skin and cow pus.
*Catering to the give-up crowd whose motto is something like “Life is short. Eat whatever you want,” Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has invested $250,000 into the Fat Shack empire. The fat-fast-food chain doesn’t give a rat’s overweight ass about calories, offering a sandwich stuffed with cheesesteak, chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, French fries, ketchup and mayo. Name? “Fat Slob,” of course. Go plug your arteries at the location in Denton or Fort Worth.
*I know it appeared on another website, but I think my recent Dallas Observer story about the Dallas-based Spirit of a Hero foundation is worth a read. Especially on Memorial Day weekend. Thank you for your service.
*This weekend? Let’s have a margarita Friday and ogle the, um, outfits at the Colonial. Saturday is for exploring a dungeon at the Bomb Factory (stay tuned). Sunday is a pre-Memorial pool party but, more importantly, Day 1 of the French Open. And Monday we’re gonna be thankful and respectful for those in the military that died to afford us happier, safer lives. Right? As always, don’t be a stranger.