Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
• Zeke Elliott preseason carries in 2018: 0.
Zeke Elliott regular-season carries in 2018: 304.
When it mattered last season, the Cowboys running back was handed the ball 16% more than the second most-worked back, the Giants’ Saquon Barkley (261). Deep breaths, Cowboys fans. Excited as you are about training camp, Oxnard means nada for No. 21. Savvy onlookers are much more excited about the return of Pro Bowl center Travis Frederick than they are concerned about Elliott’s temporary absence.
• Wondering if the absurdity of “exit velocity” applies to the speed at which the Rangers put Joey Gallo on the injured list after he suffered a fractured wrist? Ya know, on second thought, not cool to kick a team when they’re down. And losing nine of 10 certainly qualifies as down. I’m taking that back. (Pssst, you know I’m not really taking that back, right?)
• Count the wise guys in Las Vegas among those uninspired by the Mavericks’ free-agent non-moves. In its first “win total” predictions for 2020, Caesar’s sports book has set Dallas’ total at 41, meaning a .500 team. There are eight teams with higher totals in the West, meaning the professional prognosticators don’t think the Mavs are a playoff team.
• From the Dept. of Get Off My Lawn!: Please stop with the “Bottle Cap Challenge.” The viral “trick” of twisting off the top of a bottle with a knife or foot or frisbee or bad breath is patently pointless. No charity. No awareness. Just a big heaping pile of “Look Ma, no hands!” The 2014 Ice Bucket Challenge raised $115 million to fight ALS. But the Bottle Cap Challenge is . . . wait, come to think of it, isn’t all of social media a big heaping pile of “Look Ma, no hands!”?
• Saw an advertisement for a new “8K” TV. What the what?! I mean, I bought a 4K TV but I have serious doubts that I’ve ever watched anything in 4K other than one of those mesmerizing hummingbird slow-mo videos. And what happened to 5K-6K-7K? I honestly think companies take us for fools that will fall for any product, long as it is stamped with a higher number than their previous product. Now excuse me while I go research the iPhone 11.
• Not.
• Talked to former local high-school star and temporary Cowboy Marcus Coleman recently. He played at Lake Highlands, Texas Tech and 11 years in the NFL. But to this day he has not regrets, but certainly second thoughts, about his career choice. Because Coleman, you see, in 1991 set a record at the Texas Relays in the triple jump and was one of the nation’s top eight high schoolers in the event. “I had aspirations, and I truly believe I could’ve made the Olympics,” Coleman says. “But with the way football was tugging at me, it was just too hard to put the time in on the track.” Coleman, 46, is the head coach of the Indoor Football League’s Tucson Sugar Skulls and hopes to make it to the college or NFL ranks soon. He says his coaching style is “half Bill Parcells, half Spike Dykes.” That alone makes me root for him.
• Why are citizens of The Netherlands called “Dutch”? And while we’re at it, the phrase “brand new” makes zero sense. Stuff is either new, or it isn’t. Never heard anyone call their worn-out shoes “brand old.”
• ESPN is counting down its Top 25 college football games of 2018. Among them is a game that befuddled me this week: Clemson 35, Duke 6. I know the Tigers went on to win the national title, but was that 29-point rout really one of the best 25 games of the season? No way.
• I don’t consider myself masochistic, but I do admit to this very weird guilty pleasure: I enjoy mosquito bites. Not seeing the insects on me, per se. I’ll enthusiastically swat them away, as it’s not a life goal to acquire malaria or West Nile Virus. But I do like the physical feeling/satisfaction of scratching itchy bites, usually first thing in the morning. Scratchin’ an itch, ya know? Just feels good.
• With the Rangers reeling, without Gallo for a month and suddenly in sixth place for a wild card spot, this promising season has quickly deteriorated into them being sellers instead of buyers at Wednesday’s trade deadline. Just like that, we’re to the point where ace Mike Minor’s next start for Texas could be his last.
• This weekend? Let’s exchange a racket for a club and play in a golf tournament, this one at Squaw Valley down in Glen Rose. As always, don’t be a stranger.