Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
• Wanna know why Jason Garrett is – and totally should be – on the hottest of seats as the Cowboys begin the season? Because there are only four NFL head coaches with more seniority: John Harbaugh (11th season, Baltimore Ravens), Mike Tomlin (12th, Pittsburgh Steelers), Sean Payton (13th, Saints), and Bill Belichick (19th, Patriots). Each has won a Super Bowl, with the quartet combining for nine. Garrett, entering his ninth season, has never led the Cowboys to even a conference championship game. He’s on borrowed time.
• In the wake of his abrupt retirement, I will not boo Andrew Luck. I will, however, even more appreciate ride-or-die DFW athletes like Tony Romo, Dirk Nowitzki and Sean Lee. While Luck drew criticism for essentially quitting because rehab was too difficult, Lee has dealt with a torn anterior cruciate ligament, torn ligaments in his toe that required surgery, a sprained back, a broken wrist, a concussion and multiple hamstring strains that have forced him to miss 50 games in his career. When you consider what injuries did to Luck, you should applaud Lee overcoming them. Time and time again.
• Still hard for me to believe that Ezekiel Elliott is going to miss a single snap of the Cowboys’ Sept. 8 opener against the Giants. At the team’s annual kickoff luncheon this week owner Jerry Jones noted after introductions, “We’re missing one, but we’ll have him on the field. And I’m not joking.” Elliott, named the team’s 2018 Offensive MVP, obviously wasn’t there to accept the award. So when will he be in uniform? Said vice president Stephen Jones, “We’re always confident we’re going to get something done. We’re going to exhaust all resources to try to do it. I know Zeke wants to be here. I know his guys want to try to figure something out. Those things, you just never know until it’s done. We’ll just keep working at it.” In other words, prepare for Tony Pollard.
• Hosted a podcast this week featuring 1993 Super Bowl champ Lincoln Coleman, better known as Emmitt Smith’s backup. I asked him about his craziest teammate, and he replied with this ditty about Hall of Famer Charles Haley. On a team outing to a local gun range, the players – armed with AR-15s – were strictly warned not to step over a red line marking the entrance to the live field, and told to pull the trigger once for singular shots. “So, of course, what did Haley do?” Coleman said. “He stepped right over the line and held the trigger down, firing bam-bam-bam-bam-bam.” For anyone who has met Haley, that story comes as zero surprise.
• Had a Milk Dud the other day. Yeah, singular. Gross. Made me think, though: What were the other names the company went through before deciding that “Milk Duds” was somehow the winner? Guess “Clabbered Crap Circles” wasn’t marketable?
• Survey of 20,000 American sports fans revealed that 5% consider themselves “avid” tennis fans and 51% are “not at all interested” in my fave sport. Explanation is easy: American sports fans are nothing if not fair-weather. Tennis was relevant and popular when it was Connors-McEnroe in the ’80s and Sampras-Agassi in the late ’90s/early ’00s. But the last U.S. man to win a major was Andy Roddick in 2004, and the current highest-ranked U.S. player is 34-year-old, one-trick pony John Isner. Bottom line: It’s not the sport Americans don’t like, it’s the fact that there’s not a player to latch onto and brag about. Truth hurts. Right, cycling and a guy named Lance Armstrong?
• Speaking of fair-weather fans, we’re also simply fair-weather humans. When it’s hot outside, we stay inside and complain. The minute the temperature drops courtesy of that first fall breeze, we all are quick to start fitness walking around the neighborhood. Moral to the story: If our teams suck, we’re out. If the weather sucks, we’re in.
• Hot.
• Not.
• Most intriguing game of college football’s opening weekend: Houston at Oklahoma. Can the Sooners dial up another Heisman quarterback in Alabama reject Jalen Hurts?
• (In my best Blackie Sherrod voice) Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to Dez Bryant? Cut by the Cowboys in April 2018, he finally signed with the Saints last November but then ruptured his Achilles on the first day of practice. As of now, Bryant remains a free agent. By his own choosing. Says he has “no interest in playing football right now … I’m just taking care of myself.” On Twitter he mentioned “anxiety” and “depression.” Despite his declining production and steadfast ego, I’d like to see Dez, still only 30, on the field again.
• Don’t get me wrong, I love some U.S. Open tennis and the start of college football. But otherwise, Labor Day blows. It signals the end of summer. It’s too early for the NFL. It’s a day off for people who deserve recognition for never needing a day off. So, let’s rank the Top 5 holidays: 1. Memorial Day; 2. Fourth of July; 3. Christmas; 4. Thanksgiving; 5. New Year’s Day.
• Remember former Maverick Josh Howard? Talented knucklehead, right? Ticket for drag racing. Dissed the National Anthem. Handed out fliers to his birthday party after a home playoff loss. Yeah, that guy. Are you as surprised as me to find out he’s now the head basketball coach at something called Piedmont International University?
• Circle your calendar for Dec. 21. Guest host of Saturday Night Live: Eddie Murphy. First time in 35 years. I want him to do “Buckwheat.” No, “James Brown.” No, what I really want is a resurrection of Raw, complete with the red leather outfit.
• There is only one pitcher in Rangers history to go at least six innings and allow one or fewer runs in each of his first two career starts. His name is Brook Burke, and he turned the trick last week. Hey, at this point we’re scouring for anything positive.
• This weekend? Saturday is some morning tennis, a friend’s funeral and then tailgating before TCU’s opener. Sunday is the summer’s last hurrah at the lake. Monday we’re back to work, Labor Day be damned. As always, don’t be a stranger.
