Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Jason Garrett constantly preaches about the Cowboys acquiring and playing the “right kind of guy.” The corny characterization is nauseatingly misleading. A six-year streak already ensured by Randy Gregory was bolstered Thursday by Robert Quinn. Since 2014, the Cowboys have had at least one defensive player suspended for their season opener. 2014: Orlando Scandrick; 2015: Greg Hardy, Rolando McClain; 2016: DeMarcus Lawrence; 2017: David Irving; 2018: David Irving; 2019: Gregory, Quinn. The agent for Quinn – acquired for a sixth-round pick from the Dolphins in part to fill the void of Gregory’s suspension – says the veteran pass rusher was unfairly suspended two games by the NFL after a pharmacy accidentally contaminated his anti-seizure medication. An independent arbiter disagreed. The sad streak continues. And, by my admittedly sketchy math, this makes 17 Cowboys suspended in the last six seasons.
*The Rangers won five in a row. Suddenly, there was life. Just like that, we resumed checking the wild card standings. And … then came Thursday’s death-knell doubleheader in Cleveland. Against a surging team headed for the postseason, the Rangers managed only one run in 18 innings. Texas is decent. Better than most of us expected. But they’re not good, because they can’t beat the best. Against AL playoff teams they are 11-19, and haven’t won a series against a team bound for October since April 19-21. Ouch.
*It’s good to hear Mavs’ Rookie of the Year Luka Doncic say of 2020: “We will make the playoffs.” But the team’s hyping of Luka and teammate Kristaps Porzingis as weightlifting “Swole Bros” is downright silly. If the NBA was about biceps and six-pack abs, Steph Curry would be in the G-League.
*This week’s scary headline reiterates what we already know: One day soon, Texas icon Willie Nelson is gonna leave us and it’s really gonna suck. “Willie cancels tour due to breathing problem.” He’s 86. Can we activate “thoughts and prayers” to proactively detour the inevitable? Good. Done. Every newspaper in Texas has a Willie obit “package” ready to roll out.
*Exhale, DirecTV/Cowboys fans. The pre-season opener Saturday night against the 49ers will be on CBS 11 after all. Whatever their weird rift was about, CBS and AT&T dissolved it Thursday. The news was confirmed to me by my mom, who for the last 35 days has checked every seven minutes to see if the CBS 11 blackout had been lifted because “I miss my Wheel of Fortune.” Told that the Game Show Network likely will broadcast reruns of that show, Mom barked “Ewww, those are old.” Go figure.
*Hot.
*Not.
*In the wake of last weekend’s El Paso mass shooting, I heard governor Greg Abbott say of Texas, “This is not who we are … ” Actually, yes, it’s exactly who we are. No state is prouder of its macho gun culture – open carry, gun racks in pickups, “Don’t Mess With Texas”, etc. – than Texas. And only one state has suffered five of America’s 11 most deadly mass shootings: Texas. I realize getting rid of all the almost 400 million guns ain’t the answer. But neither, apparently, is “a good guy with a gun.”
*Abbott went on to ask God to “bind up the victims’ wounds.” Bind them up? If we’re gonna get requests granted, can we not get ambitious and go with “jam the gun of the next mass shooter”? Pretty please?
*Newly christened Pro Football Hall of Famer Gil Brandt says the Cowboys have a “great” insurance policy in case Ezekiel Elliott holds out into the regular season. No, not veteran Alfred Morris. Fourth-round rookie Tony Pollard. “Can’t stop thinking of how impressive (Pollard) looked,” Brandt said. “Running style reminds me of Lenny Moore.” Google is your friend. Nonetheless, Brandt needs to reboot his references.
*Friend of mine went on vacation that required her to get shots against malaria and yellow fever. No thanks. Peru ain’t worth that risk.
*Sentence I thought I’d never type this year: Rangers starter Lance Lynn has pitched at least six innings in 19 consecutive starts.
*95 is hot. 99 is hot. 100 is hot. ’Twas a better, cooler world before “heat index values” and, well, thermometers started telling us how dreadfully hot we should feel. And you know what, we might have been better off before air-conditioning. Ignorance is bliss.
*If I was a tornado, I’d blow into town right at noon on the first Tuesday of the month. Everyone would just assume it’s another siren test.
*Lots of chatter about Dak Prescott not being among NFL Network’s Top 100 players. But only 14 quarterbacks made the list. I’d say Dak is a middle-of-the-pack guy. Although, I’d take him over Kirk Cousins (No. 78).
*I don’t believe in hypnosis, and there’s no way I could be hypnotized. No way. Silly. But reading about Raiders receiver Antonio Brown suffering frostbite on his feet when he didn’t wear proper footwear in the cryotherapy chamber did cause me pause. Because, well, couple of years ago I mistakenly spent a couple minutes in one of those sub-zero contraptions … totally naked.
*This weekend? A little tennis practice and a lot of Mom’s birthday party. Though at 78, “party” might be a tad generous. As always, don’t be a stranger.
